The color of interaction…

Posted by danielle on Jan 30, 2012 | 0 comments

A couple of years ago, my employer brought in a company named Insights to help us understand our interactions with one another in order to try to foster better communication across our team.   Before the training we had to answer a slew of questions, the results of which were compiled into our personal profiles.  The profiles we received were like an expanded Myers-Briggs personality type indicator, but based on a combination of four colors.  Each color had a series of preferences (introverted, extroverted, thinking, feeling), natural traits (mentoring vs. competitive) and communication style tips.  It wasn’t until the very end of the training that we received our profiles and were given an opportunity to read them though.  During the training, there were a host of exercises we did to see if we could uncover our profiles.  Some involved answering new questions and trying to predict our profiles, but the one that stuck out most to me was one that had others predicting our types.

In this one particular exercise,  we all had the color wheel taped to our backs.  We had to go around to a bunch of different people and choose where on the wheel we felt that they would fall—overlapping colors, on an axis, out in a quadrant—and place our initials in that spot.  What was most amusing to me was that, on my own wheel, the results were all over the place.  You could not look at my wheel and even begin to guess where my profile would be.  I initially thought it was very strange since I had worked with most of these people for nearly ten years.  How could they all have such disparate views of me? 

Once I received my profile and read through it, I asked the training’s facilitator that very question.  He looked at my profile and said that it made complete sense.  Since I was far more green than any other color (5.36 on a scale of 0-6), he said that my natural abilities as a mediator and mentor has allowed me to show others what they needed to see more than showing myself even if it wasn’t a conscious effort.  It was a strange answer to me at the time and, even now, I think it to only be half the answer.

I’ve had a couple of conversations with Dennis as of late about what it means to be the sum of our experiences.  While these conversations ran a gamut of subjects from choice to acceptance, responsibility and trust, in each of them I found myself echoing the same phrase:  Previous experience colors present experience.*  On a larger, impersonal, scale, this sort of thing is really obvious.  If, for example, you once burned yourself around a campfire toasting marshmallows, you may find yourself even years later being especially careful around similar fires.  Your previous experience caused you pain and you may be careful to avoid it.  And while it may be easy to pinpoint the impact of our large experiences, what of those smaller, day to day experiences?  What might we find if we were to be more aware of these?

On my color wheel, I was most perplexed by the marks in the red quadrant.  Red is sort of the polar opposite to green.  The natural traits of people who are inherently red are that they are strong-willed, driving, competitive, and assertive sometimes to the point of aggressiveness.  According to my profile, I have just the tiniest sliver of red (0.64 on a scale of 0-6), but there was one mark on my circle far out in that quadrant.  The person who had placed that mark fell squarely in the yellow group.  This person is very bubbly, social, friendly and enthusiastic.  And while I personally have nothing against the happy, shiny yellow folks, the last interaction I had with this person prior to the training was one in which I was neither social nor bubbly myself.  I had been under a deadline.  I was tired, stressed and in a foul mood.  I knew this person would want to chat and I did not.  So in this instance, when this person came to ask me about my knowledge in a particular area, I was direct and to the point, avoiding all socialization.  To this person, in that moment, I was a fiery red and that impression, being the latest, was the one that had stuck.  What if I had been equally aware of my own mood and behaviors as I was with the tendencies of this person in this interaction?  Could I have tailored my responses to have been less direct or direct but more amiable?

When we set foot in the dojo, we like to say that we leave the world outside behind for a while, but the truth is that we still bring ourselves through the door.  In doing so, we bring not only our experiences, but expectations as a result of those experiences.  We might expect a certain style of teaching from one or more of our teachers.  We might expect a certain playfulness or confidence from one or more of our regular training partners.  Those expectations may come from previous experience with those individuals or even just from whatever mental state we may be in that day.  Those expectations color, impact and change the very experiences we are about to have.  Perhaps we become frustrated or disappointed in class because we expected something phenomenal.  Maybe we grow irritated with our training partner when they don’t seem to have the focus to attack as they usually do.  What if we could step outside of ourselves, see our expectations and assumptions?  Could we choose something different?

There is an adage that says that first impressions are lasting impressions, but what if, instead, every impression leaves its mark on both sides of the interaction equation?  Perhaps awareness of ourselves then becomes a responsibility, a path to ownership of our experience.  If we can be aware of our mental and emotional state, their impact on our physical state and our expectations, then we can see how we may alter our own experiences and, perhaps, those around us.  Maybe awareness helps us to choose a different palette of colors with which to paint.

 

*You might be asking:  But isn’t this analogous to saying that we are the sum of our experiences?  Maybe.  The question I am asking myself is what if the coloring of experience is a causation behind the effect of summation?  Is there a subtle difference there?  Maybe.  I honestly don’t know nor do I expect to have an answer anytime soon.

Danielle DeBlois
SMAC Student